An Ode to Heart Cramps

A week in and my deserted island is not so deserted anymore! Now I know, it does not have enough people to throw a kick ass party that causes the next door Aunty to call the cops on us (Get it? eh? eh? You do? Go, make better life choices!) but just enough to have a cozy potluck dinner where nobody ever uses a coaster. (I am super wild, clearly!) Point is, I am a happy host!

Now that I have your attention, let us get to the good stuff.

Looking at the title, I can’t help but notice that it sounds like a failed attempt at making a Heartburn sound fancy. As interesting as it would be to discuss the plight of an over (zealous) eater, I am going to steal the limelight from the stomach for just a bit and focus it somewhere else- our head (to all those who thought I’d write “heart”, go easy on the romcoms, will you?)

Please be warned that this is not about finding love and dealing with loss and all that stuff Grey’s Anatomy teaches us (Good luck learning about love from a show that killed off Mc Dreamy. Ugh!) What it is, is about the systematic shut down of our brains the moment we see that our feelings are not being reciprocated. May it be your partner of seven years who left you at your worst, your fiance who suddenly stopped loving you, your crush who moved to Timbaktu or the guy you saw across the street while picking up your chappal that fell off your foot while you were getting off the auto rikshaw while arguing with the driver for change- it always starts the same way.

The condition of Heart Cramps is generally preceded by a rigorous regime of denial that consists of considerable amounts of anxiety, anger and alcohol (The original AAA.) These symptoms surface periodically and just when they begin to fade away, you are presented with your next stimulus. This stimulus is divided into stages. These are:

1.) Verbal– phrases like “It is over.”, “I have moved on.”, “I do not see you the same way”, and (my personal favorite) “I love you but I am not in love with you.” are classic examples. These phrases, which are already an assault on our senses, are often followed up with absurdities like “It is not you. It is me.”, “I need space.”, “It’s a phase. I need t experiment and get it out of my system.” Sure.

2.) Actions– being blocked on social media, being hung up on, unanswered calls, being the recipient of rude behavior- these are some of the fun experiences that are earned by people who make it to stage 2.

3.) The dark side– This is generally brought on by seeing our love interest showing interest in other people. Particularly aesthetically pleasing people. But mostly people. Everybody is a suspect. Getting to this stage is not what you want. Compulsive stalking and creepiness are the main features in some of the advanced cases of this stage.

Once you reach the dark side, the good news is that there are no further stages. The bad news is that you stay here for a while. Over analyzing every action and statement uttered by the person you gave so much importance to becomes a hobby. This stage also sharpens your memory as you play the whole relationship in your head on loop, day and night. The AAA are back and this time they are bigger than ever. You cannot eat things you ate with them, you don’t wear clothes they complimented, you avoid places you visited together, every song makes you nauseous, every couple seems rude and some nights you just find yourself staring at the toothbrush they left at your place and it reminds you of the beautiful time you spent together and you don’t brush your teeth for a couple of days.

Now, I know I might seem a little insensitive when I try to put a humorous spin on something that is capable of haunting a person for years and is more common than people mispronouncing the word “GIF”. To be frank, this is the very reason I addressed this today and in the way I did. I know very well, what it is like to sit for hours, perplexed, going through every single conversation, feeling anxious about something that seemed like losing a part of what made me who I was. I, like all of you, have experienced the moment when you realize that no amount of Ice cream can fix the pain that you feel in places you did not even know it could hurt in. I know what it feels like to live in the shell that you live in after all this ends. I may not know how relationships work but this shell, my friend, is something I know very well. It makes you a silent spectator of your own life. A silent spectator of a movie in which you should be in the lead. Could things BE any worse?

Now, I am not going to be the kind of friend who tells you to just suck it up or get over it or move on or be a man! I’m not going to tell you to drink up and forget her, to burn his picture, to steal his dog and I am CERTAINLY not going to make you join Tinder (Okay, we both know I’ll do that). But I AM going to help you reach a point where you can laugh at it. Well, smile if not laugh. Where you can acknowledge every stage you went through, experience every emotion, get done with the stupid antics and then come back and read this and realize how silly you were. Only then will you get over your fear of being vulnerable again. THAT is when I give you a high five and you get ready for the next big thing and I’ll be right here, to make you smile when you get a brain freeze from eating ice cream too quickly. I got your back!


(What) To be or (What)not to be?

A few days after writing my first post and I feel really comfortable typing here because at this point, I know it is safe to say that if my blog was a diary, it would be sitting on a deserted island with nothing but the sound of waves and chirping of crickets playing in the background.  But hey! This is better than a diary because it is open for people to see. In an acceptable way. Kind of like the real life equivalent of sitting in a park and talking to yourself. People are NOT a fan of that. (It NEVER happened, okay!)

Now that I am done with my dose of randomness, let us move on to the subject I have in mind *drum roll*

Who are we? And who is it that we want to be?

*If you haven’t closed this tab and moved on to a video of tea cup pigs/ an article about your favorite celebrity’s diet/ Debate on the Salman Khan controversy (No judgement, man. Whatever floats your boat.) I would like to thank you (read “Haha! Suckaaaa!”. Please don’t go.)*

I think we all would agree that this the most important question we as humans face every single day of our existence. It is right after “What would you like to drink?”, “Do I really need a third helping?” and “Tu jaanta hai mera baap kaun hai?!!”. It defines how we lead our lives.

However, this question did not seem to haunt people as much in the earlier times. The previous generation seemed to figure this out pretty quickly. At least where I come from. It was clear. Everyone wanted to be academically brilliant, married, rich, sanskaari- Basically, Sharma ji’s son. People before that had even more clarity- All they wanted was to be a survivor post the age of 40.

Compared to this, we seem to change our minds much like Katy Perry’s boyfriend in Hot ‘n’ Cold. I mean, last week I wanted to be Lady Lyanna Mormont, Marshall from HIMYM, Amy Dunnne from Gone Girl AND a Teletubby. And we ALL do this. We do this with every movie we watch, every song we hear, every article we read, every celebrity we follow and every time we stalk our ex’s new flame.

Even when we are busy “wanting to be somebody” a lot of us are already working on being somebody else. There is no denying that most of us today, consciously or subconsciously, chalk out a person/ personality and pretend to be them all the time. All day. Every day. Throughout our lives. Minus the hours we spend being drunk. (That is when everyone gets to be confident, flirtatious and obnoxious.No shame.) The smaller the world gets, the more complicated and diverse this picture gets. Why is it then, I would rather be a part of this generation than any other? (except the obvious reasons like better life expectancy, better rights and Krispy Kreme.)

It is because we, collectively, are not afraid of probing into the former part of the question I started this rant with: “Who are we?”. It is a heavy question, man. And on most days, we do not even want to go near it. But somehow, while we enjoy the great spread we see at “Who is it that you want to be?” buffet, we cannot help but think if we can be true to that particular identity for long and that is where the urge to meet the real you comes and nudges  you. It is senseless to think that you would have an epiphany and figure yourself out in one go. But even understanding a certain part of your personality- your true desires, things that make you smile, things you do only for someone’s approval and why- is a true achievement. In a game where choosing characters for a temporary period (a corporate slave, a hipster, a class clown, a player, a manipulative doctor who knows every single diagnosis in the world) seems to be a sensible option in the pursuit of happiness, meeting the real you and being cool with it HAS to be the jackpot. It is beautiful how one helps the other. And we realize that. Thank god, we realize that!

We see fathers who like to stay at home, men who like to dress well, women who love to bike, amazing single parents, children who question the concept of god and people who openly wear socks with sandals (unless you are one of those guys who grows one long fingernail, you are good.).We even have people who openly admit that they want to be a Roadie! I mean that is something, right? Never mind.

The reason I made you go through the trouble of reading all of this today is because I took time to understand this but I finally understood that everything we try to do/ be is because at the end of the day, we want to go to sleep with a happy version of ourselves (put down that glass of wine. That is NOT what I meant.) More often than not, a lot of things we think we want to do/ be are because we think we have to do/ be them in order to be happy. These acts are relatively easier to identify, all you have to do is substitute “Happy” for “Socially Acceptable/ Likeable”. This confusion is the sole reason we are not getting there. We are not meeting that awesome version of us that can have a TV series made on them (ANY day now!) There is no, I repeat, NO feeling worse than doing something you are not really into but are doing for the sake of something that qualifies as an exterior force. Explore new territories, meet new people, try new things, create new stories and do not stop yourself from trying anything out of fear of being judged. Because the next stupid thing you do might just bring you closer to yourself. Like writing this has done for me. 🙂








Baby Steps.

For someone who has the fastest eye roll reflex toward cliches, I must admit that I have found myself surprisingly comfortable starting a blog with a title that would have earned an eye roll AND a “Come on!” had I come across it somewhere else.

As you can judge by that lengthy first sentence, I AM new to Blogging and I AM nervous. Loving it so far! *sweats*

I do not know why most people turn to blogs but I am here because of a sudden urge that made me feel that the thoughts that keep doing circles in my head need an outlet.

I like to think that I am quirky and funny and I manage make people around me laugh with my inappropriate and poorly timed jokes (I have Chandler to thank. Yes, BIG F.R.I.E.N.D.S fan. HUGE. Wait, who isn’t? Pfffttt.) so I thought I’d put it to some use in the form of a blog and see what people feel about my sarcastic, chaotic, random yet wonderfully weird world.

A dreamer who is obsessed with drawing connections between real life and movies and sitcoms (I am a self proclaimed buff) I am learning to understand how the real world works. I am getting a hang of complexities of relationships, situations and emotions. Also, being overly attached to my obsessive and over analyzing nature is a gift that I would like to share here. Yay!

I have too many things that I want to write down right now but I think I should streamline my thoughts to avoid word vomit in my very first post (that wouldn’t work too well for me as I am hoping to develop an image as cool as Carrie Bradshaw as I write here.)

I am not very good with parting words so I am going to leave this here with an awkward wave.

Until next time!